Thoughts, from friendship to Planet of the Apes
2002-01-02 :: 5:45 a.m.
Man this town is boring. I know, interesting people aren't bored or some shit like that because they can always find things to do. Screw that, this town sucks. When college is out everyone is gone. That's fine because 95% of the world could disappear and the world would be nothing but a better place and that percentage goes higher for the students at M.U., I think. So a lot of people are gone, big deal...my friends are gone, that's the big deal. I'm feeling better, Chuck e-mailed me and told me he still is my friend, but he wants me to work on being happy. How the hell do I do that? I've made a life of being miserable. I dated Char for three years and got away from that and look at me now, I'm miserable but I don't know how to cope. Before feeling miserable was feeling normal, now it's alien to me and it's eating me away.
I talked to Tara at work last night...she's this girl that is just a friend, but I really like her. I told her about Saturday night and how I'm glad she ended up not being able to make it because then there'd just be one more person pissed at me. She said she would have taken into consideration that I was drunk and not been mad, and I've heard that from everyone else that I've talked to. They all say, "You were drunk, Char and Chuck will understand and won't stay pissed." But none of them were there to see me in full asshole mode. Would I still be friends with someone who behaved like that? Hell yeah, but I don't have many friends and the ones I do, I'm loyal to the bone for (aside from nights I've had too much to drink and have too much emotion surging through me). I wouldn't have left a friend on the side of the road to walk in the cold even for a few miles, I'd have walked with him/her to make sure they were okay. That's not really the point though, I don't blame them for what they did, I was an asshole and I deserved to be treated like one.
I still love Char so much and I want her to be happy. I can accept that she's not with me. I can't accept the guy she's with because she says she's in love with him, but I don't believe her and I know she could do better. She deserves better. By better I do not mean me...she deserves better than me; she never should have put up with me. I've learned from my mistakes, I hope, and won't be afraid to admit how in love I am. That was the problem with Char. The fall I'm taking is seeing how I treated her and how I should have treated her. But I do really still love her and I hope she finds happiness. I just want to be part of her life to see her find it. Just because we didn't work as lovers doesn't mean I can't be a damn good friend to her (providing I don't get shitfaced, or at least don't mix alcohol and prescription drugs...).
On to more serious topics--
I watched Planet of the Apes the other day, the new Tim Burton directed one. I bought the dvd for my step-father for Christmas and then borrowed it. Nice guy, I am. Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't just a remake, it was a new telling of the same idea and I thought Tim was doing quite well. Then the end--ugh. What the hell was he thinking? I mean this man gave us Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice, the first Batman movie (we'll forget the second one, Tim), and Ed Wood--Ed Wood! One of the best movies ever made--as my buddy put it, "One of the funniest sad movies." Oh, and The Nightmare Before Christmas, a classic (yeah he just produced it, but still...). So how the hell did he go wrong with Planet of the Apes? I realize he didn't just want to remake the original, but at least the original, when you get to the end you're like, "Oh, damn." This was like, "What The Fuuuuuu?" A good, watchable movie ruined by the ending. Tim Roth is an incredible actor and at first I was like, with all this make-up, they could've gotten anyone to play Thade, why him? But on second watching (omitting the ending this time), Roth really does an excellent job. So does Helena Bonham Carter, I seriously wanted Mark Wahlberg to stay and hook up with her. I'd only seen Bonham Carter in Fight Club before this movie and she was fantastic in that too. Actually, I think I saw one of her other films but I can't remember which one because I didn't like it. Fight Club is the first movie where she stuck out in my mind. And while I'm on Planet of the Apes, did anyone else catch Mark Wahlberg's appearance on Howard Stern over the summer? Howard asked him about Bonham Carter and the ape make-up and if she was good looking in it. Wahlberg w/o even thinking (I pray he wasn't thinking) said yeah, she was hot, she looked like Janet Jackson. Howard got quiet for a second, but Mark totally seemed to not notice that he just said you take this white woman and put her in a monkey outfit and she looks like a black woman. Janet's hot and all and I don't think Mark meant anything racial by it, but what a stupid comment. The next day Howard joked, "No NAACP Image Award for Mark Wahlberg this year." Funny shit.