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A bad day
31 January 2002 :: 10:46

A Page From My Real Journal:

Meant for No One

Born to be fertilizer

for the future

Cold and Dead, I rot

and feed the earth


No One to Everyone


Born for Nothing


Here to absorb the contempt of Others

Love is for Others, life is for Others


I live in your past,

but you're not here

Already moved on

I wait in the darkness

And it's too late

Time has marched forward

And I'm still waiting for it to

Come back to me

All these memories,

but it's cold in the past

Burn them to keep warm

One by one, into the fire

with each a piece of me dies

But it's the only way to live

Slowly I fade as the memories

turn to smoke and waft away

Little fuel left, little left of me

Oblivion open, Time presses forward

Gone. All used up

No trace left






Emotional Vaccuum






Where is Home?

No Where. Here.


That wasn't one of my best days...

That same day, Em got a call that Snook had died in his sleep. I didn't know Snook well, but I liked him. The first time that I met him was when I was with Char. He came up and, having never met me before, apologized for hitting on Char the first time he met her. I was just like, "Ummm, it's okay." But that was Snook. He had gotten to know Char and he liked her and he didn't want to start off bad with me. I thought it was really cool that he apologized. Then he told me I looked like Moby. Whenever Char would go back without me, Snook would ask, "Where's Moby?" He was always really nice to me even though we never got to know each other well. And after the first time he was tending bar when I was there, he remembered what I drank. Funny now, because I never drink the same thing when I go there, but I always drank one of two things when he was working and he always knew which one I was drinking.

I started dating Emily and she knew Snook as well. He was still a nice guy to me whenever I was around. Always treated me well. But still I never really got to know him that well. I just know that he liked to have fun and it wasn't uncommon to see him there drinking if he wasn't working. But he was always a good guy to me. He had his demons as we all do. So what does that prove? He was human. People immediately started talking all sorts of shit about him after his death. Why can't people ever let the dead rest? Why, even after death, do people feel the need to talk shit about someone? Leave him the fuck alone. He may not have lived as a model person, but he was a human being first of all and at the core, whatever his faults, he was a good guy. So here's to you, Snook. I hope that wherever you're at, it's better for you. I hope you're still partying and having fun. I wish I'd gotten to know you better, but know that you still have a lot of people down here that remember you and smile.

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