Questions... and the little man ain't answering
05 November, 2002 :: 8:19 a.m.
So what has happened lately? Not much really. I still feel as though I'm in relationship limbo even though Teri and I have talked and she says she wants to continue dating. I think one of my big problems is that I had this week of Are we together?, Yes!, No!, Yes!, No!, Neither of us know!, Yes!...it's really hard to go through and now I know why you don't usually hear about people going from living together to living apart and dating--especially not when both of you make stopovers at your parents' houses. I mean, she has Hannah, so on my nights off she can't exactly jet over here and spend the night and I can't spend the night at her parents house...this is so pathetic I don't know whether to laugh or cry at what I'm writing...I mean Christ it sounds like we're in high school not 27(her) or very nearly 27(me). Neither of us is supposed to be at home now, but for different reasons both of our lives have led to a point where it was necessary.
Anyway, in the meantime, I'm looking at things and yes, I think Teri is great, yes, I love Hannah too, but I know this is going to be a rough several months with us hardly seeing each other and I just don't know where it's going to end up...I mean we never know as Teri pointed out to me last night. I guess I'm just tired of being hurt and I'm trying to figure out the odds to see if this is worth betting on. I see this great person most of the time in Teri and I really feel like, yeah, I could fall totally in love with her and be happy...but she gets stressed over Hannah, stressed over work, there's always something popping up to stress her out just as things start to calm down in her life and when she gets stressed she can really lash out and be someone that isn't much fun to hang around...I realize that living together for a couple of months added a lot of stress so I want to give her a chance and see if we can go back to what we had before...but how do you step back like that? I know her much better now, I know things that annoy me, she knows things I do that annoy her, I know what spending every day with a four year old is like, she doesn't think I can handle that kind of life...but now we're supposed to step back and just date and rarely see each other...and the one time I'm looking for that little voice of reason that has tried so hard to guide me when things haven't been right in past relationships, he isn't sure either...he'll start to tell me that this doesn't look like the one to bet on, wait til the next race, then he starts telling me that just because there's a rocky start doesn't meant the race is over, this could still win... So I can't even turn to the voice that I always ignore and regret ignoring because for once, at least right now, he hasn't made up his mind. Teri is great and we have tons in common, but are we right for each other?