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25 December, 2002 :: 7:54 p.m.

Happy Holidays to all...I'm sure there are people out there right now having a wonderful time--with their family even!--and that's great. Hopefully all is well for all of you who might stumble across this, hopefully the day was a joyful one.

As for mine, I know that I shouldn't complain, but then it wouldn't be me, right? The day itself and all that happened was actually was just one of those days where it took every last bit of will power to deal with people. Yesterday too while I was out grabbing some last minute Christmas gifts.

I need to take a moment out of the recap for a very special thank you to a very special person--that would be you, Allie. Your package arrived yesterday and it is not only on the top of my list of gifts for this year, but for pretty much any year. The time you put into the two cd's plus parting with the autographed cassette and the singles was...well, I just don't have words right now other than Thank You. It was perfect and I hope one day I can repay your kindness. I listened to disc one on the way up to do my last minute shopping and (since it was dark by the time I was done) disc two on the way back. They are great and, yes, I read all of the notes you included and I wasn't bored in the least. It was all very informative and appreciated by yours truly. I will take good care of everything and enjoy it and, as I said, hopefully get you back one of these days though I don't know how just yet.

And now back to whatever I was talking about. I was supposed to go to Christmas dinner tonight with Teri, but with the storm we got, she couldn't get over this way. It sucked, but at least I had my family and a back-up dinner here that I had helped my mom prepare. And the cheesecake that I had made for Teri's sister's served as dessert here. Saved me from making a second dessert at least. Teri ended up spending the day alone because her ex had Hannah and her mom had to work. So I can't complain...except today is a day I just would have loved to be by myself completely.

Another aside:


You left behind people who were much closer to you than I was. In fact I only really got to hang out with you a couple of times and talked to you occasionally at work. I know the pain they must be feeling that you weren't there to share Christmas with them this year, because I'm still having trouble getting my head around the fact that I'm not going to see you again. It's not supposed to happen; young, healthy people aren't supposed to have a reaction to a prescription that people take all the time, that's supposed to be safe and spend two weeks in a coma before finally passing away. That's not supposed to happen--it sure as hell isn't supposed to happen right before Christmas. I can't help but think about how we talked of going to see Dave Matthews this summer and it didn't pan out, and now it's never going to, is it? No I wasn't close to you like others, but I still expected to hang out with you again, to talk to you again and I do feel the loss. Last night on the way home from buying presents and thinking about the fact that there were almost certainly presents for you sitting under people's trees because we all thought you were going to be okay, that's when a few tears finally fell, when I realized that you are really gone. I'll miss you.

So see, maybe I didn't spend the day as I ideally would have liked (not getting out of bed), but I have nothing to bitch about. I have my health and I spent the day with my family and shared a nice dinner. I gave a few gifts that I hope were appreciated, I received some pretty cool gifts. All in all it was far from being a bad day. I just feel drained.

It's a shame, but I think my car just might not be able to get out of the driveway for work tonight. I just can't deal with a bunch of people tonight...things have finally settled down here and it's peaceful again. I know I've missed several days lately, but I wanted to make it in those nights...tonight I just need to be by myself for a bit. Plus Mom keeps trying to get me to play my Spider-Man Monopoly game, so there's always that...and a little time spent with family outweighs stocking shelves for a giant monster of a company hell-bent on destroying all of the competition, right? Of course if I don't go tonight, I have no excuse to not deal with more family tomorrow...ugh. Happy Holidays.

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