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03 January, 2003 :: 3:06 a.m.
Do you ever get that feeling that, while you don't know exactly where you should be, you know where you are isn't the right place. I'm not just talking about the fact that I don't want to stay in this area...I don't know whether it was signing the 18 month lease and locking myself into this area, or what...I do like my apartment, I do like certain people and aspects of this place, but I know this isn't where I'm supposed to be...like right this minute. I stepped outside for a cigarette and I just had this feeling wash over me that I was in the wrong place for that moment...and I just looked through some pictures and the house, the tile on the floor just yelled out to me that I'm in the wrong place for this moment in time...but I don't know what the right place is...I hate this feeling...just once I want it to be the opposite, that I'm walking along and this feeling washes over me that, yes, everything I've done that has led me to this point in life was right because this is where I belong. I sometimes get that feeling in dreams...that I'm home. I can never remember the place when I wake up...I rarely remember anything good or bad from dreams, but especially the good.