Question I would appreciate a response to...
21 February, 2003 :: 3:23 a.m.
If you didn't read the previous entry, please do so first. Then, after you've read it, read this one and please, I am asking anyone who reads this to be honest and respond to me...should I sent this letter to Teri or am I being too low? Should I ignore her or should I let my feelings out, let her know what I think once and for all? Again, if you read this in the next couple of days, I would really appreciate feedback via e-mail, IM, note or signing my guestbook...thanks...
Teri,
Just wanted to let you know that I posted your letter in my online diary so that I could get an honest reaction from friends who read it...y'know, people who actually care about me instead of just saying it while their actions prove otherwise. One thing I've noticed: You keep saying you don't want to feel like a bad person...not once have I ever heard you say you don't want to be a bad person. Kinda funny, but there's a huge difference between the two.
Have you slept with him? Really doesn't matter...just like it doesn't matter that you didn't encourage him to phone you or stop by walmart...you didn't stop him or tell him there was someone too important in your life to risk losing either. That would be the difference between cheating and not cheating in my book--when I straight up asked you about him you said he was "too redneck" and that it was just an infatuation when you were in school...now suddenly the tune has changed. Is it because he has kids? Or is it because he has money? Or is it looks? I'd like to know how having kids makes someone a good guy...any asshole who doesn't use a condom or is irresponsible can have a kid, that doesn't automatically make them a good person. Same for money and looks. You sat and cried about how you make stupid mistakes and how you don't want to feel like a bad person...funny how you can one week be sending me e-mails about how good I am to you and how I'm your "knight" or your angel or whatever and the next you can be moving shit in here despite the fact that, "you don't want a serious relationship" and then a few weeks later decide that I'm totally not worth your time.
Whatever you get you deserve from here on out...you deserved John because you cheated on Stacy...he may be with Tisha now, but at least he got away from you. You deserve to get hurt again because even if you didn't physically cheat on me, you did in your heart. You were telling me that you loved me and at the same time not stopping Rob from visiting and calling you and developing feelings for him...you've been together twice already...granted both times while you were in school, but it didn't work out...I gave you my heart--even after common sense said to walk away from you--and what do I get? A fucking microwave...woooo...let me bow down before you and your graciousness...how about the fucking month that I paid all the rent and both months that I gave you much more than my half of the bills to help you out, how about the fact that I was always honest with you, that never for a moment did I consider cheating on you...what do I get? Nada. I get lied to. Will I ever see that half of the months rent I paid for you? Will I ever see the money that I helped you out with to catch up on bills? Probably not. I don't think you're honest enough of a person. I have records of those months, if I wanted to be petty I could take you to small claims court...but I'll just sit back and see what type of person you really are.
If he cheats on you or leaves you because he doens't want to put up with your bullshit, I don't care. You lied to me even after I told you that was the ONE thing I wouldn't accept. You didn't bother to tell me he was coming around and calling you because you "didn't want to hurt me"--bullshit...it's because you want your cake and to eat it to...get what you can from one person, when you bleed them dry, move to someone else. All you care about is yourself...you can say you care about Hannah, but if you did, you'd be more strict with her and teach her how to behave since there are going to be other people who have to deal with her when she goes to school...feeling guilty about the fact you and Stacy divorced is a bullshit excuse to not be a Mom and teach her right from wrong and how to behave properly...Oh, and I want my key back...BEFORE you move stuff out of here. You are not welcome to come over when I am not home to get your stuff. I won't bother you, but I'm not risking you taking something that isn't yours...and as for stuff that's mine, I want my sweatshirts back, the picture of Blue and ANYTHING else you have of mine since once you leave walmart I don't plan on ever seeing you again. Am I being petty? You can go ahead and cry to your friends all you want about me being an asshole or being petty, but I gave you my fucking heart over and over and all you did was wipe your fucking shoes off on it while you looked for something better. I want back what is mine. As for the microwave...if after reading this you decide you want it back so you can be a liar and petty, take it...I don't care...it'll be a small price to pay to get you out of my life.
Matt