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Shove your patriotism up your ass as far as I'm concerned...
12 March, 2003 :: 1:25 p.m.

Oh Jesus H. Christ:

WASHINGTON (March 11) - House cafeterias will be serving fries with a side order of patriotism Tuesday with a decision by GOP lawmakers to replace the ``French'' cuisine with ``freedom fries.''

I was hesitant to do this up to this point, but I AM TAKING DONATIONS FROM ANYONE WHO WILL SEND THEM SO THAT I CAN BUY AN ISLAND WHERE PEOPLE WITH COMMON SENSE CAN LIVE IN PEACE. I don't care whether it's $1 or $1,000...anything will help. I warn you, however, that a donation does not secure you a spot on the island. I've mentioned the island before and I didn't even get sign ups which completely and utterly amazes me. The only sign ups I have thus far are from people I've discussed it with through word of mouth. Erin, Pat, Lacey...they will each be allowed to bring at least one person of their own choosing, no questions asked. But for everyone else--applications. That's right, we're gonna weed out the self-proclaimed free thinkers who in reality have their own agenda. There will be no coups on the island because there will be no centralized government. Just people who aren't worried about sustaining a healthy economy and all that shit for future generations because, hey, we don't believe there will be future generations at this rate. We just want a comfortable place to kick back and wait for the end.

So that's what you get if you get on--a portion of the island all to yourself with a banner that you can hang out which others will understand means, "Today is not a people day." There will be communal areas, but most of the island will be devoted to personal space.

So, again, who's with me? I'm taking donations.

Need further convincing?

Stephen Downs, 61, was detained on Monday after security guards at the Crossgates Mall near Albany, N.Y., ordered him to take off his shirt that read "Give Peace A Chance" and "Peace on Earth" or leave the mall.

When he refused, security guards called local police, who handcuffed Downs, arrested him and held him for two hours.

Now...let me know how much you want to donate, I'll let you know where to send it.

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