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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
21 November, 2003 :: 7:10 p.m.

I'm heading to Cortland tomorrow and I can't wait to see Chuck and get a chance to talk to him. I need to get out of here and clear my head and bounce thoughts off him for a while...he is often my voice of common sense/reason when I find myself lacking or unwilling to listen to my own. Pat's great for this too, but this involves relationship decisions and, while he's been on a long-ass drought, he has more experience than Pat. I've got decisions to make and while I know that in the end it boils down to what I want to do, it helps to talk it out with someone else first. I wish I was getting out of here for more than a day, but the work schedule won't allow for it so I'll have to make the best of the time I have.

I'm missing the Fortress of Solitude right now. Especiall this time of year...I love fall and winter is okay when you're inside away from the biting cold...or when it's been mild as this one has been so far. Anyway, this is the time of year I like to be by myself. I hated having to be back home last year, even if it was for a short while, but I love that Teri and I broke up when we did so that I hate time to myself. Two weeks from tomorrow is Sparkle up in Corning and I look forward to being with Pat on that day and I look forward (somewhat) to Christmas and spending time with family...I loved Christmas Eve last year and would be totally happy with something similar to that, Christmas day is a bit too hectic for my tastes, but I can deal, I suppose. The only other day I thoroughly enjoyed last year during this stretch was the night out with Keri and Charlie, even if they did call it a night too soon and I got blocked from dancing with the girl I desired by a guy in a wheelchair.

Anyway, I'm not alone for very much of any particular day right now and that is indeed part of the problem, as is the fact that we're in a lease til next June. That's a long way and some major weather changes off... This has been an experience that I've learned from, but I will definitely opt to not live with a girlfriend again after this for a looong while (I'm counting on Pat to keep his promise to bash my head in or do whatever else necessary if I should suggest it again). In fact the only roommate I will consider after this is Pat if he's available once I'm able to make a change again. We can chill and have good times, but he knows me well enough to give me space when I need it and I can do the same for him. I won't feel like I need to include or check in with someone anytime I want to do something (no that's not a specific knock on Lacey, it's just the way I end up feeling when I live with someone I'm dating).

I have no idea what changes will be coming in the next few weeks, but I have some important decisions to make and I hope Chuck is up for listening to them and giving me feedback. Aside from that all I want to do is hit a bar where there's pretty girls to watch and have some good beer.

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