Whining, Bitching, Moaning...
16 April, 2004 :: 11:06 a.m.
It doesn't feel like it's been so long since I've updated, but that's probably because rather than write things out in here now, I tend to compose journal entries in my head at work now and then never actually make them...it works out about the same except I don't have them to go back over later on...but it's been a long while since I made a decent entry and not just some self-indulgent whine fest...but that's ok because this is my journal so what better place to get all the whining about the same shit most other people have to deal with out of my system.
This semester is wrapping up...as usual I have work needing to get done...minimum of 7 pages on the pros and cons of globalization. It's an interesting subject that I care about and, like I told Pat last night, if I was just reading the books on my own, I'd be reading the hell out of them...but it's for a paper so it's taken me most of the semester to get through half of one and a third of a couple of the others...the paper's due tuesday so we'll see what I come up with between now and then.
I've been loving Thursdays this semester...Pat comes over, we drink, play video games, bullshit, watch a little hockey or wrestling or I fall asleep watching a bad horror movie and then we try to break each other's various bones, I take him back to the dorm and we meet to do it all again the following week. The semester can end, but I'm gonna miss the Thursday nights. One more semester and Pat is done...Steve may also be done by then...and then the people that I know, the people that I started with, are all gone... And I'm still here. That depresses the hell out of me. I don't make friends on campus, I don't make friends at work anymore...the people that I know and talk to are slowly disappearing and then what? I honestly don't know. I like time by myself, but I like time by myself when I know that there are people around that I can get together with when I need to be around someone else or talk to someone else... I don't know why I can't connect with people more, I don't know why I let so many people including family drift from me until already existing connections sever... More than trying to find a real job, more than anything else, it's my total lack of social skills that scares me. Because that affects everything else... I'm definitely not one of those people who can talk themselves into any job regardless of qualifications; I'm the one who could probably have a sure thing lined up and manage to lose it by opening my mouth or failing to do so. With some people there's just nothing, with a lot of other people it's like my brain is on a 10 second delay...they say something, I freeze and can't think of a response or I hand out a standard lame one...the person walks away and then I think of 5 other things I could've said that would've gone over better. With Pat or Lacey or anyone that I've gotten comfortable around, the delay disappears; with people I don't know the delay makes getting to a point where I'm comfortable with someone extremely difficult.
I don't know why it matters that Pat is graduating before me...the fact that either of us is graduating soon would mean the same thing...even if we both graduated in December, we'd most likely end up going our own ways and doing different things...maybe we'd stick together for a bit and try to figure out what we were going to do, but who knows...
Time to distract myself from all of this with some school work......