Sameness--it comforts you while driving you slowly mad...
27 April, 2004 :: 12:52 p.m.
You know when you're fed up with things, but you realize that's there's not much you can do to change anything right now? Yeah, that's where I am...
I'm not in a bad mood, this isn't about any specific area of my life right now, it's just the sameness of this area, I think. It's because this is the last week of classes...finals next week and another semester is over. I found a class that hopefully I can get into to erase one of my F's. There's also a Kafka class which Pat is taking...hopefully I can get both of them. They're with the same prof who is one of my favorites and it'd be nice to have one last class with Pat before he's gone.
There's a philosophy class that I think I want even though I'll already have enough for my minor when this semester ends. I probably should have done philosophy as my major...at least then you actually have something that you can call a major...liberal studies just implies that you can't focus on any one thing long enough to be good at it. I personally like liberal studies and I didn't want to narrow my focus to one area, but the blank stares I get when I tell people I'm a liberal studies major make me realize what I'm in for once school is over...not that there's a danger of that for at least a couple more semesters. I'll be here in Mansfield surrounded by all of this unbearable sameness for a good long time...(my latest dream to go along with being trapped: I was stuck in a Flintstones-type setting where the background just kept repeating over and over no matter where or for how long I walked)...the only breaks I have from this sameness are people and they'll all disappear in the next year or two and then that Flintstones dream won't be just a dream...there really will be nothing to break up the monotony. There's a friendship that I need to try and reestablish in a couple of weeks once finals are done...there's another that would be great if I could actually do it, but it doesn't seem likely at all...who knows.........it's all you can do when you know for sure that you're stuck where you're at for the time being, right? The people who mean the most move on, and then you realize that other people who meant a lot to you at a certain time of your life are still around, still stuck like you, so maybe there can be friendship again...or I'll sink into apathy and do little or nothing at all this summer...I know which sounds more likely; I also know which I would prefer.