friends of friends and other boring shit...
16 May, 2004 :: 11:21 a.m.
I'm still awake because the landlord told me last monday that he'd bring the new lease by today...of course he was on his riding mower at the time so it wasn't like we could chat and set up a time...not that i'd chat with him anyway, he's old and crazy and always talks incredibly loud and swears so that even when he's not pissed he sounds it... anyway, i figured he'd be by in the morning because that's usually when he's around here mowing the lawn and yelling at people and such, but as of now he still hasn't shown. i put a note on the door saying that we're sleeping since i plan to be shortly, but i don't know if he'll read it or not or just try forcing his way in...i seem to recall him saying he dropped out of school in the 3rd grade, so i don't know how his reading skills are...i think that's why his wife handles the money and all that...not that being uneducated isn't working for him--he owns more land and makes more money than i'll ever see in a year...at least lacey and i got around to straightening up the apartment so that when he does come by it's not a disaster, so it wasn't a total waste to stay up...
my car is still illegal and pissing me off since it's eating into my summer break as far as where and when i can go places. i'm calling tomorrow to see if the dealership actually called and talked to someone at the DOT to make sure everything is ok. i noticed last week when i unlocked the car that one of my headlights is out...the one time it was relatively safe to drive is now when i have to be the most paranoid...i am afraid i'm going to have to break down and pay someone to change a fucking lightbulb in my car because i checked and there's maybe two inches to get my hand down in to switch bulbs and i just don't see it working...i forgot that when you buy an expensive car it's virtually impossible to do anything to the car yourself...especially if you're like me and replacing a headlight is one of the few things you can actually do yourself...take that away from me and i've got nothing. so anyway, i'm driving strictly back and forth to work right now and hoping i don't get pulled over until the registration paperwork has gone through...otherwise they can just refuse to let me drive my car from the spot where they pull me over which would sincerely suck. hopefully i'll find out tomorrow that the paperwork went through and i can get the damn thing legal shortly...
it's amazing how my mood changes from when i'm at work to when i'm home...i get really down on myself at work and last night i was ready to call this diary quits and now here i am writing in it again...i still think that i need to get something back that i let go of inside myself because i'm bored with nothing but stupid updates about nothing...so part of me wants to kill this thing, but obviously i'm not doing it just yet...
am i wrong about friendship? if i'm friends with someone (actual, real friendship) and they know that i have a huge problem with someone and THEN they go and start up a friendship with that person, do i have a right to feel betrayed? to me it's a loyalty thing...if i knew that someone was fucking with pat (not that anyone ever has--especially no females) and making him miserable, i'm not going to befriend that person...i would feel like i was betraying pat. it's different if you already know and get along with the person and one of your friends has a falling out with them...i don't like or dislike most of the friends of my friends, but there are some that i just absolutely don't care for...but if pat likes someone and i meet them and i don't, so be it; i don't expect him to end a friendship just because that person and i don't get along. it just seems to me though that if someone who says they are your friend befriends someone after learning that you have a serious problem with them that they are betraying you... i suppose that's not super clear and i suppose that it has to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis...maybe i'm totally off on this and it's a reason i don't have more people i consider friends... so be it.