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Thinking of you...
24 May, 2004 :: 8:30 a.m.

I miss my friends...

Pat is the only one that I still really talk to on a regular basis and summer has cut down on how much we get to talk...and waaay down on how much we get to hang out...Thursdays just aren't the same.

But it's my other friends that I really miss because we hardly talk's probably just me being me, but I get all paranoid when we don't speak often because I start thinking maybe this is the end, maybe things have gone as far as they can and now we're drifting until the line is completely severed. This is the part of me that I'd like to just get rid of because it's the part of me that I know has to get on other people's nerves because it gets on mine. I shouldn't need constant affirmation that we're still friends...I should be able to enjoy the times we hang out or talk and not worry about the times in between and just hope that all is well for them and that they are happy...I know this is what I should do...and for the most part I do...and then time goes by without hearing from them and doubt creeps in and then I hear from them usually not too long after that and I feel dumb...and then the whole thing repeats. I'm not super-paranoid or worried right now...and I'm not going to get all "oh, poor I still have friends?" because it's just stupid.

I've realized something lately that I'm definitely not ready to admit in this diary or to anyone... I don't even know if I could admit it to Pat and I eventually tell him everything... It's just feelings and they aren't important, right? They come, they drive you crazy for a bit and they leave...

While I'm on the subject of friends and in case you read this before you check your email, your music will be on the way today, Erin. Sorry to make you wait so long...the whole lame excuse is in the email.

I hope everyone is well...we'll talk soon, I'm sure. Smooches.

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