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20 August, 2004 :: 8:13 p.m.

So I haven't updated in a while...

I stopped ranting about Bush in here and I think I'm done with it unless I get so pissed off that I just have to get it out somewhere.

Ranting about him in my diary isn't going to change anything; people writing books connecting him to all sorts of heinous shit isn't going to do anything; the occasional blurb on the media about something seriously questionable happening with Bush in charge won't do anything... I still hate the man; I still would not feel the slightest bit sad if he did actually choke to death on a pretzel or find some other way of dying; I still think he's a walking example of ignorance and self-righteousness that combine in him to make evil, but at least half the country is willing to blindly follow him wherever he wants to lead, so fuck it. I want out of this country. I like the land (what I've been fortunate enough to see of it) and even some of the people are cool, but I hate what this country has come to represent. I want to finish school, leave this country and never look back...will it happen? Who knows? It depends on my mood and my opportunities once I'm done with school...I can't wait to be done because school now feels like being chained to a massive boulder keeping me in a job I hate and an area that I don't want to be in.

I hope this semester is one full of memories since it will be Pat's last. I hope that once he's up here we are able to spend a lot of time together doing whatever and he can forget his troubles at least for a while and I can forget mine.

Lacey and I are hoping to hear back tomorrow or Sunday about a house we went and looked's right near the school, just a couple minute walk for Pat to come was trashed when we looked in on it the other day...the other place the guy showed us was way nicer, but other people had first chance at it and they took it...if he does indeed do the repairs to this other place he says he's going to, then the place wouldn't be bad at all...the weird part is my landlord would be a kid who was a year behind me in school...feels good having yet another example of someone who's made something of himself while I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing.

I seriously wanted to go to New York to protest at the convention, but it's the same time that school starts back up here and I failed to put in for the days off on time at work, so it doesn't matter anyway would have felt good to feel like I was doing something to express myself even if I don't think it would change a damn thing in this country...

The Cure concert kicked complete ass...the rest of the bands were good enough that I would have been happy to be there...the fact that it was topped off by a ass-kicking set from one of my all-time favorite bands, that just made it all the sweeter. I failed to catch up with Erin at the show, but met up with her and her friends afterwards for a while...not a lot of talking, but it was still nice to see her and it was plenty of fun just listening to her friends...that's all that there really is to say about it other than Map Quest actually worked out for once...a couple of minor errors on the drive home but one was human error and the other was MQ, but still minor... Also got to visit Pat for a few hours a couple days later and eat at Bam Bam Bigelow's burger and ice cream joint...never as a kid watching WWF did I ever think one day I'd be ordering food from one of the guys I was watching...especially not the guy with flames on his that was an those parts of vacation where I was away from the area were good...the parts where I was here were still nice just to not have to do anything...I broke my promise to my mom about visiting my grandparents dad's parents...I haven't seen them 2.5 years now--since about the time I told my dad to piss off. I want to see them I suppose, but it feels awkward. I know more time will only make it more awkward; I know that they are both in their 70s and I shouldn't assume they'll be there when I finally decide I'm ready...I just don't fit in or feel comfortable with my family on either side and I don't want it to be a big deal, but it will since I haven't seen them and then they'll want my aunt and my uncle to come over and it will be this big thing and then they'll talk about a bunch of stuff I have no clue about and I'll want to leave but feel like I can't since it's this whole big thing....arrrgghhh. I suppose I should just bite the bullet and do it...I just don't understand why we're supposed to feel connected to people just because of biological relation...I don't really know these people and they don't really know me...they can tell stories from when I was young and the stupid things I did when I used to visit all the time...but they have no idea who I actually am and I don't have the time or ability to tell them who I plan is to wear my Unamerican shirt so that my grandfather and I can get into a political discussion that quickly ends with him telling me to get the hell out of his house...then I won't be asked back...

Time for work--woo.

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