10 October, 2004 :: 1:28 a.m.
A general observation:
I pray that one day I'll finally get it right; I have no faith that I will ever get it right.
To someone rather obvious:
It occurs to me that there are people in this world who know nothing of you except what they've heard from me...so even though they don't know you they have a perception of you and maybe that perception isn't accurate because despite my efforts to be totally honest in here with what I write, maybe I'm not doing you justice. Maybe it's incredibly unfair of me to have ever mentioned you to people who will never actually know you.
Another general observation:
Franz Kafka does, perhaps, deserve all of the accolades bestowed upon him...I feel a deep kinship with him and his view of many things...
I feel most of the time like I can only get along with unhappy people...not people who are unhappy all the time, but people who know what it feels like to hurt; people who know what it's like to see the ugly side of things; people who know what it's like to hurt and to revel in the hurt...this is probably why I get along with so few people.
Have you ever read personal ads just for fun? It truly is amusing because apparently 95% of the world like to take walks, talk over coffee, cuddle, be understood...and most of them are shy at first, but quick to open up once they feel comfortable with someone...and yet relationships fall apart every minute of everyday...if we all want and like the same generic things, why can't we simply walk down the street and fall mutually and madly in love with the first person we see? We must all have secret hang-ups we don't like to admit or we must want deeper things than these that we don't know how to express...something's missing from the equation at any rate...
Why is it so much easier for me to adopt movies and music as ways of life than to accept any particular religion? Why does a good movie or a good song seem so much more real to me?
It occurs to me that I am merely peripheral to most people and perhaps they are to me as well...