Hundreds of pages from the end? Hopefully, but only a few until the end of the chapter...
21 November, 2004 :: 2:59 p.m.
I need to start making myself write...
Updating in here, papers for school, just writing the thoughts in my head for myself...
My problem is that it's like my brain only shifts into thinking about things I should be writing when I'm somewhere I can't write like work or when I'm not by myself...I don't like writing unless I'm alone and can just let go and see what happens.
Pat gave me a copy of William Shatner's Has Been and maybe I'm just a sucker for Bill, but I love the cd. In my mind, the man who played Capt. Kirk and appeared in some of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes can do no wrong. Are the songs cheesy and sometimes just bad? Yes. But I still love the cd.
Last night Pat gave me Pat Boone's In a Metal Mood...wow. Now that's totally funny to listen to a few times, but funny because it's bad; Shatner's album is good because it's bad...there's a difference. The Shatner album I love because I actually enjoy it where the Boone album is one of those things that is only enjoyable because as soon as you listen to it, you start thinking, "Who can I torture with this?"
Home Movies (at least season 1) is out on dvd!! First they finally release Ed Wood on dvd, now my favorite cartoon!? Everything's coming up Milhouse...at least as far as dvd releases. It's fitting that these things are finally released during the last semester Pat and I will be together...
On that note, I depressed the hell out of myself yesterday morning because Lacey and I were talking about trying to find a new place to live and she said something about Pat visiting and I was like, "Pat's gonna be gone in a month so it doesn't matter..." Apparently I was aware of this, but saying it out loud...
A month!? Eleven semesters, five years of knowing one another and it comes down to a month? Pat was off for a year when his retina detached, but I knew he was coming back; I took a semester off when he first returned, but I knew I was coming back. Plus, it's not like we didn't talk on the phone at least once a week while he was home with his eye healing and we saw each other the semester I was off...This is different. It's not just a winter break and then he comes back...
Thursdays are going to be extremely empty a month from now.
He's only moving 3 hours away and it's actually like 30-45 minutes from where Chuck lives so it's not like he's disappearing across the country or something, but then I think about the fact that he's lived basically three hours away when he hasn't been on campus for the last 5 years and it wasn't until a few months ago that we got together when school was out...and I went to see Chuck at the beginning of the summer, but that was the first time I'd gone to see him instead of him coming down in a couple of years.
So I don't know whether to look at that positively and say, "Hey, we finally hung out outside school and I finally was able to go see Chuck so that's just the start of me getting up that way more often and hanging out with friends," or wonder if it'll be just takling online and on the phone with a rare weekend of hanging out here and there.
It's not like I don't think Pat and I will talk once he's gone and I know that I have an open invitation to visit, but I start wondering about how much time there will actually be for all of that. Three hours isn't an insurmountable distance; three hours on top of jobs and me still in school...who knows. I'm not going to spend endless amounts of time worrying about it right now...just wait and see how things play out.