remove ad

Peripheral
13 October, 2004 :: 8:46 p.m.

How do you see me? Chances are you don’t…you never have…you’d walk right on by me and never realize I am me…I exist to you, to the world, peripherally.

A chair cannot be a chair until a group of people decide that that is in fact what it is…so how many people have to recognize me as human before I can be human? Probably more than I will ever meet, surely more than will ever see me…no one sees me, not the real me…they see a blur on the edge of their vision and they forget me as quickly as that…unless they need something…you forget the clock is hanging on the wall beside your head because it’s only there in the corner of your eye and that’s not where you cast your focus—until you need to know the time, then you see the clock long enough to get what you need from it and forget it again.

Do I resent this? Yes and no…I don’t know how else it’s supposed to be, I don’t know what it’s like to be in focus to someone and I almost don’t want to know…would it make me happy? Happiness is a lie we tell ourselves…none of us can truly ever be happy because we keep changing our minds about what we need to be happy…

That iPod would make me happy—until it falls into my peripheral mind and my peripheral vision and I focus on something else that would make me happy…

A girlfriend would make me happy—until I’ve been with her a while and I see other girls who seem interesting in new and exciting ways and the relationship I told myself I needed falls to my peripheral…

Friends would make me happy—until I realize we are friends of time or place, or convenience if you prefer, and that one day none of that will matter and I’ll need new friends and the old fall to my peripheral and I to theirs…

We all tell ourselves that we need certain things and then we’d be happy…but we aren’t…either because we can’t get something we think we need or because as soon as we have it, something else takes its place…

The point of this…I dunno…

Previous :: Next