Rampant Stupidity...coming soon to any and every place near you
16 November, 2002 :: 7:07 a.m.
Winter Lucky Charms are Lucky Charmesque, but not quite Lucky Charms...now you know.
Thursday night I called my bank's automated phone number to check my account balance...first of all, there was something haywire in the system because when I was checking my debits and such the voice would say things like, "debit in the amount of $13 and [press 1] 38 cents" and, "for your last seven [press 3] transactions press 1." Then, as I'm listening to the menu options I hear, "to end this call press the pound sign." ?!?!Whaaa?!?! We are living in a fucked up society when you have to tell someone how to end a phone call--DUH! You hang up the damn phone...that usually brings a satisfactory end to a phone call whether there is a real live person on the other end or a machine. Why do I need to push a button and then hang up? You know some person is pushing the damn pound sign (and I'm surprised they don't say, "the button that looks like a tic-tac-toe board" for the really stupid) and then putting the phone back up to their ear just to make sure the call actually ended...and then finally hanging up.
Society should not have to cater to the stupid...it should move along at a normal pace and if you can't keep up, step to the side and try not to get in the way. No putting, "Caution, Contents Extremely Hot," on the side of coffee cups; no warnings not to submerge your radio/hair dryer/coffee pot in the tub with you; no take plastic off of your frozen pizza before you put it in the oven--if you need these instructions, we (those of average intelligence or above) NEED you out of the damn gene pool.
My favorite is when I'm stocking shelves in housewares at wal-mart and we have various packages that say something like, "Decorative Items Used in Picture Not Included..." I swear this is on the side of a pop open laundry hamper that comes in a little bag that's probably 5 inches by 6 inches and maybe half an inch deep...and the bag is clear...the picture shows the bag opened and stuffed with towels, fabric softener sheets and detergent. Is somebody really going to get home with that and be upset to learn that stuff isn't in their package? If that notice wasn't on there could they sue the company for all of the neat things they thought they were getting, but didn't? They even put these notices on the side of roasting pans...did you really think you'd get home, open the box and find and turkey and all the trimmngs in there ready to serve? No more catering to the stupid.
I was taking aspirin a few days ago--regular, generic, wal-mart aspirin. The bottle is clear, not packaged inside a box or anything. On the front is the only decoration on the bottle, the label that says "aspirin." I look closer at the label for some reason that I'm not sure of and I see the little picture of an aspirin in the corner of the label. Underneath in tiny print it says, "Actual Size." The FUCKING bottle is CLEAR, there's 100 aspirin in there, I saw them long before I ever noticed the tiny print. I knew what size the damn aspirin were when I bought them and it wasn't even an issue. I didn't think I was mistakenly buying aspirin for horses or elephants. But I suppose I'm making too much of the fact someone was paid money to design that label. Oh well.
I'm pulling a pallet at work and a lady sees me coming along and steps out in my way to look at items on one of the four-way displays in the action alley. I start slowing down hoping she's smart enough to get out of the way, before I have to stop completely and ask her to let me pass her husband says, "I think you're in the way." Her reply? A snippy, "I don't think my ass is that big." So I move over as far as I can without knocking stuff off the shelves on the other side and continue through. POW! Right into her ass knocking her up into the display she was looking at...and I just keep on movin' thinking, "Guess your ass is THAT BIG, bitch."
Have I ever mentioned that I am pro human extinction? I really, truly am.