Your Fault, Not Mine
21 March, 2010 :: 1:56 a.m.
Fickle fucking humans...
It's your fault I stopped writing in here. And yours. And yours. And yours.
We had a good thing going here, had a little community. I'd never met you before I started this diary (except Radice), but one night after posting an entry I noticed I was on your buddy list and read your diary or I just picked you at random from the list of recent posts and could relate. We were young...early to mid twenties...fuck! Where did that go? Remember being young? Remember thinking at any moment all the pieces were going to come together and you'd have a sweet job, tons of disposable income, tons of friends? Remember?
And then we started chatting on AIM...yeah, remember when people used to instant message? Hardly any of us had cell phones and the ones who did sure as shit didn't text. So we chained ourselves to our computers for hours at a time seeing how many little chat windows we could cover our screens with...all those ours loling, rotfling, winking, smiling... It's not like this was decades ago for fuck's sake...you met someone new, you asked for their screen name, not their phone number.
But I'm off topic a tad...
It's your fault...you stopped updating here. Then you stopped updating here. Then you. You suddenly had shit going on in your life and couldn't find the time to sit for hours at the computer so your away message was always up. Then you just weren't signed in.
Oh, and email. Remember when we used to email...long fucking emails. Now it's typically nothing. If it's something it's like 3 lines and "well, such and such is going on so I've got to run."
So this is why it's your fault that I don't update...you stopped showing up here, then you stopped showing up in the other places that I could find you. The party moved to Myspace briefly but everyone fucked off from there to facebook and, while I have an account, I can't stomach actually spending time there...plus it's mostly family who found me because fucking facebook requires your name, not just an anonymous screen name. Now I'm on Twitter...I can see myself being there for some time because there's no feeling of pressure that I have to keep anyone updated...a few friends follow me, but mostly it's out there for anonymous strangers to find. Kind of like how this all started except I can't do more than 140 characters at a time (unless I use Twitlonger...but I'm so used to cramming thoughts into 140 characters now, I've only thought to use it once)...I think the brevity is the reason I feel like I can keep it up. I could pop in here for 140 characters at a time, but I don't...
But the real reason I can see Twitter lasting longer for me than this diary, AIM, Myspace, facebook or anything else has: lack of intimacy. The brief tweets don't fool me into thinking I'm really getting to know someone. I don't have long conversations with people I've never met outside of Twitter. So I won't feel like the only kid who, after 3 years of weekly basketball games, discovers he's the only one who has shown up at the basketball court while all the cool kids have discovered pot and are off getting high somewhere.
Anyway, it's your fault I don't use diaryland anymore. I hope you all feel ashamed of yourselves.