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Not today, not as long as others share my sadness...
13 December, 2002 :: 4:06 a.m.

I just got to thinking...first off, let me say that no, I'm not feeling suicidal right now...just depressed...but that last know how there have been parents who wanted to blame a certain song here or there for their child committing suicide? I'm pretty sure if it weren't for bands like The Cure and for songs like that one I just posted by The Posies, I would have committed suicide a long time ago...songs aren't to blame for people being depressed and if it weren't for hearing those lyrics and knowing that other people had felt the same as I do at times, I would have given up a long time ago figuring there was something really wrong with me...instead I, maybe naively, continue forward hoping that some day I'll meet that person whom I get along with really great and who can understand why I go through the feelings that I do...I know no relationship is perfect and you have to work to cultivate a successful relationship, but you have to have that bond with someone that makes it possible and obviously I haven't found that person yet. "Y'know that life's never been a great mystery to me/ begins then crawls slowly to the end/ And I've no problems if you wish to join my views/ just add your name to the list of superficial friends."

"Don't feed the hand that bites you/ just learn to starve/ Don't fight for change in your time/ Just swallow your depression/ and say your happy that it's rotten out today"--that says a lot...don't give others power over you by letting them see you miserable you are...learn to be happy with your misery and carry on as if nothing's wrong so they can't feed off you...bury your emotions and be stronger for it...that's pretty much what they teach men to do isn't it? That's what I try to do and fail miserably at because I can't suppress my emotions well enough.

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