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Tips to being profound and mysterious
08 March, 2002 :: 11:16 p.m.

Some people write absolute drivel (yes, I know I'm're the one reading this shit) and hope it sounds an illustration of what I'm talking about, I came up with the following in a coversations with dynamitekid:

let's sit on the ceiling, playing checkers and sipping the steam from a mug of hot conversation

lying face down in the mud is like dancing all night with a sweater on

i stick my fork in the light socket and wonder if it will unravel life's mysteries...

There are people who put entries filled with stuff like that in their diaries and hope to sound profound and mysterious...but it's just crap and anyone can come up with it. I didn't think I could, but the above took all of three minutes to write.

Haikus are another easy one:

Beatnik poetry

Skittama bebop zja bop

tick tock tick tock tick

all you gotta do is throw out three lines--5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables...i'm not knocking haiku, there are some really good haikus out there, but for someone who wants to sound profound without really having anything to say, it's a good starter.

Being silent and sometimes moody is another way to get people wondering. Prepare a bunch of haikus and nonsense ahead of time (when you should be working on homework), then in class (when you should be paying attention) sit there and scribble like mad, like you're lost in yourself and just have to get it out...people will wonder what's so important that you aren't paying attention in class, then you can show them (after acting all shy and unsure at first to cement their interest)...make a big deal about how you normally don't show your writings to people. Guaranteed people will eat this shit up.

Bingo! You're suddenly the silent, mysterious, artsy guy (or gal) that people will admire. For maximum effect, make sure the person(s) you show this to (never more than one or two at a time, to make them feel special) are of the opposite sex.

You're welcome. You're all welcome!

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