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11 March, 2002 :: 6:24 a.m.

Was Ahab really that bad a guy? He had a goal and followed through with it at the cost of everything else. Okay, he failed at his main goal in life--to bring down the great white whale--but he was focused and never waivered (even when signs all around him pointed to the fact that he probably should). And yeah, he led like 30 other guys to their deaths as well, but they had opportunities to overthrow him and instead chose to follow him to destruction. Anyway that has nada to do with nada.

Have you ever stopped to think about how much a person can change your life? I met Jen when I was just out of high school and working at McDonald's while trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. At first, I didn't like her, then she, for whatever reason, took a liking to me and it's true what they tell you in intro to psych.--it's hard to dislike someone who genuinely likes you. Suddenly I realized we had some common interests, she was kinda cute, she was friends with another girl that I had had a crush on for a while. Anyway this isn't supposed to be a history of Jen and me. We hooked up, dated for eight months, had a really bad break-up and in the end I found myself working at wal-mart. This was because Jen's dad was the store manager and got me a job there (he then convinced me to go to third shift which, being a night owl, I agreed to only to see that be one of the things that came between Jen and myself, then later heard from several people that her father's goal had been for that to happen). Okay so I met Jen, dated her and through changes in my life due to knowing her, eventually crossed paths with Char.

Char worked at wal-mart and we bumped into one another, hit it off, talked for four months or so, then finally decided to go out. That lasted three years. During this time, Char pushed me to follow through with my plans to go to school which I had let slide after having money fall through for me after being accepted to Pitt. By Char pushing me, I enrolled at M.U., went to orientation, met Pat and became good friends with him. Pat one day convinced me to start an account at just to see what it told me about my personality (I ended up being an Iceman and Independent (yes.) Evil (who me?) Sex Taker (never thought of myself as a taker when it comes to sex, I prefer giving usually). Anyway, ha ha, all good fun. I met a few people from the college through there--one of them being Emily. Ta da. I know there are other links I could have made along the way, but that is what I was thinking of right now. Because I dated Jen five years ago, I met Char, made a very good friend in Pat and ended up dating Emily. Funny how things work.

I also would be remiss if I didn't mention the significance of the past weekend. Saturday would have been a fourth anniversary for Char and me had we stayed together. I was kind of worried that I would plunge into thoughts of what could have been and what is and where my life is going and blah blah blah...I figured it might end up with me overthinking everything and being depressed, but there were only a couple of brief moments when I felt myself slipping and somehow managed to dodge them. Last thursday was the one year anniversary of Char breaking up with me. I thought it was kind of funny that as I watched BET that morning, they played "Anniversary" by Tony Toni Tone. I hadn't heard that song in years and it was funny that the song brought back memories of when it was getting a lot of playing time and also of the time Char and I were together. I didn't sink deep into depression or memories of the past though and I take that as a sign that I'm moving forward. Where I'm moving forward to I have no idea. Maybe in another year I'll have that figured out, or at least have an idea.

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