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31 October, 2002 :: 9:48 a.m.

This living at home thing (again and again and again) is some shitty shit. My step-father has said exactly this much to me in the two days I've been home: "Are you done out on the porch? You wanna shut the light off?" God I love touching family-type moments like that. My mom is her usual Chatty Cathy self and that's fine. It's just that fall is pretty much gone as far as I can tell. It was nice of it to stop by briefly between summer and winter, but the first snow has fallen. Of course if first snow were the official mark of the beginning of winter, then fall stuck around until January up here its last time 'round.

When the fuck did it get to be the last day of October??? I still have to do all my shit for college!!! Wasn't that supposed to be all done and taken care of? Wasn't I supposed to learn from missing out on this semester? I miss having my identity as a college student, but I don't really miss much else. I miss campus, but I could still hang out there if I really wanted to, it's just that without the being a college student part it seems pointless. I've been to the dorms a few times and I remember why I'm glad to not have a dorm room anymore even though I never really lived in the one that I had. Dorms least if you are antisocial like I am.

I realized why I get along with the night crew we have at wal-mart now...all of the younger people (which is becoming far too many people as I continue to age, but I digress) are like me--not exactly like me or like me much at all really, but we have the same general outlook: People suck, the world is fucked--unless humans become extinct without resorting to weapons of mass basically the world is fucked. We hate people but need short we are exactly the breed of people that the third shift was invented for...unfortunately wal-mart is run by increasingly greedy morons who went and decided that most wal-marts should be super centers and part of what makes these centers so super is that they are open 24 hours...we don't have to deal with a lot of people, but still too many. I mean all it takes is once a night having some idiot look at me as I take a case off a pallet, open said case and start stocking a shelf and then interrupt to say, "Excuse me, but do you work here?" NO, I just love to come down here with my box knife and replace the items on the shelf that I purchased earlier! For FUCK'S SAKE! Obviously I work there... And then last night, I answer the phone and I get, "Uhhh, ummm, uhhh, can you connect me to customer service...uhhh, is there someone there that could answer my question?" Me: "Sure. What department would you like?" Moron: "Uhhhhhhh, ummmm, any department..." Me: "Well, I kind of need to know what sort of information you need so I know where to direct your call" Moron: "Well, I need to talk to someone that knows about returns." Thank You! Was that so hard? You have a question you obviously want answered, give me some fucking information to work with if you want help.

That's almost as good as when you get a customer that wants you to help them find something, but they don't know what it's called and sometimes don't even seem clear on what the object does. But I should have some fun stories from the holiday season--like the lady last year that was drunk off her ass and trying to shoplift...she was sitting in the middle of an aisle of toys with an open package of Play Doh and asked Chris and me, "Where's the Play Doh at?" The wandered the store asking similarly stupid questions to other associates while stuffing her pockets...then she tried to run from the manager who was waiting at the doors for her and slipped and fell where they were stripping and waxing the floor, ran back into the store and wandered some more then tried to sneak out without the state police who were just pulling into the parking lot noticing her. She failed at everything and was completely oblivious as she sat in the back of the trouble she was in. Retail is the reason so many people kill themselves during the holidays, not loneliness and depression--well, it is loneliness and depression but it's being depressed at how stupid 90% of humanity is and feeling awful lonely being part of the other 10%. Retail is also the reason that people kill each other during the holidays. I swear if the try to make me work Thanksgiving night which flows into the idiocy that they call Black Friday, I will have to come to blows with my manager.

Anyway, I need to stop living this little fantasy that I was living or whatever it was and start finding my way back to the original plan. I was happy, yes, but I was still supposed to be heading back to school and living out in the middle of nowhere with no computer to connect me to the outside world did nothing to help my already much too lazy ass get shit done that needed getting done.

Now, I need to put that off another day because I have plans to get together with Pat tonight and I need a couple hours of sleep first.

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