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12,000 boxes of Cracker Jack and still no frigging decoder ring!
07 November, 2002 :: 11:44 p.m.

Men are never, ever going to understand women...we may be able to map out all the little bits of DNA that make us human, but we still will not understand women. That wasn't meant to be sexist...I mean humans will unravel the secrets of DNA--just it ain't gonna help men one bit.

Women, your hormones make you act crazy--stark raving mad...y'all act the fool way too often. Not that there aren't some incredibly cool women out there, but no matter how well you think you know a woman, she's always gonna find some way to catch you off guard eventually. You can have a boyfriend and still flirt with us (and not bother to mention the boyfriend until after we've developed a huge crush on you). If your man flirts with another girl though, look out! You can say, "Sure honey, I don't mind if you have a guys' night out," and we'll ask you repeatedly and say, "Look, I'd love to spend time with you tonight if you want to, but if not, I haven't seen the guys in weeks and I'm gonna hang out..." we'll ask repeatedly if you're sure and you'll say, "Yeah, go have fun." We come home and it's, "You dick, I can't believe you'd rather spend time with your buddies than with me..." that or the silent treatment and the, "nothing," if we ask what's wrong.

We're supposed to understand that you don't say what you mean--but sometimes you do say what you mean--and other times you expect us to figure it out for ourselves. So we're left unsure if this is one of those times where you said what you meant or if it's like the hanging out with buddies thing and you want to hear, "The guys asked me to go have a few drinks with them, but I said no because I wanted to spend time with you." But if the girls call and invite you out...

If we say something, even, "I love you," it can lead to an argument because we'll hear, "Oh really sounded like you meant that."

Y'know what? If we want to get together with the guys for a night at the bar every few weeks we will. If we say something, we usually actually mean it. If you can't say what's on your mind, why should it be our problem. It's not our fault that we haven't yet developed the decoder ring that lets us figure out exactly what you want and what you need at exactly the right moment. And if we did, you'd just change everything up on us anyway.

This is probably why for so long guys kept their wives at home...they knew if women got together, they'd start scheming and plotting to make our lives miserable...unfortunately, because guys in the past did this, women today seem to be out to make up for lost time.

This all makes me wonder about lesbian do they not drive each other nuts with this shit...or do they automatically understand one another since they are both women? Or does being gay mean that you lack the gene that allows you to make your mate miserable whenever the mood strikes you?

This is not anti-woman...I still love women and, as I said before, there are some incredibly cool ones out there who seem to say what they want and who are actually secure without setting up little traps for their men to see if they really loves them. Unfortunately they all either have boyfriends/husbands already or they live too far away...

But I won't give up on the notion that I may actually find one of these women or that I'll at least be with one who will realize, "wow, even after all the bullshit he really still loves me and I should start being straight with him and letting him know that I really love him too."

This was not sparked by any one incident that I've had with a particular woman, rather it is an accumulation of what I've talked about with other men...

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