25 February, 2004 :: 7:52 a.m.
I have to get a few hours of sleep soon...I have to spend this afternoon writing my first paper of the semester. First real paper anyway...we have an assignment for business ethics almost every class, but they are all like 1-2 page type dealies. This one wouldn't be so bad--it's only 3 pages--but it has to have three outside sources and I've been putting it off and putting it off. I meant to go to the library last night to do research but I have been having trouble with insomnia for quite awhile. I like a good solid sleep maybe once a week, other than that, I really don't like sleep much...combine my staying up til all hours with the fact that when I do finally lay down I have crazy trouble getting to sleep and this is probably part of my problem I mentioned in the last entry.
So what's the rest of it? Mid-life crisis type shit, I guess. Fear of what I know ending combined with fear of what's coming adds up to me not doing shit.
School is probably another year of my life...I would sort of like to go to grad school, but I would also like to be working and not a student sometime before I'm forty. That plus I still don't know what I'd like to go to grad school for. Part of me wants to go to law [email protected] would love to hear that. He's was my "advisor" for a couple of years which basically just meant I'd show up the first day of classes, tell him I had no classes, get him to help me figure out what to take and have him lecture me on how I need to figure out what I want to do and do it...he kept telling me since I really only seem to like to argue, that I should be a lawyer and try to create change.
This calling for constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage...oy. Maybe it's because I think marriage is a bogus bunch of shit most of the time anyway, but I don't care if gay people are allowed to marry. Actually, I do care. I believe that if two consenting adults want to marry, they should have the ability to do so regardless of sexual orientation or anything else. I just have a huge problem with adding a constitutional amendment that restricts freedom. I mean the Bill of Rights starts off with all men being created equal and over the years amendments have made it clear that women are also equal and that we are all equal no matter what color our flesh (granted, in practice this is still all questionable, but according to law we are supposed to all be equal)...aside from banning slavery which was an absolute good, what amendments restrict what we are allowed to do as opposed to extending freedoms and rights? The only one that comes to mind (and I may very well be wrong since it's been quite some time since I reviewed the Constitution) is prohibition and as far as I'm concerned the fact that there is an amendment banning alcohol and another saying, no, it's ok again serves as a reminder for all time that, be it a right or a privilege, when you restrict freedom, it fails miserably. I realize this is different since it's not like for years gays were allowed under federal law to marry and suddenly they can't, but I just can't see amending the Constitution of this country, something that is supposed to support the idea of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," and using it to ban an entire group of people from something that causes no one harm. People who support civil unions are copping out as far as I'm concerned (granted, it's better than nothing)...I've heard how many people for the past few years saying that gays should be happy to have civil unions because they have the same rights as someone who's married, it's just not called the same thing...I hear "why can't they be happy, it's just a different name for the same thing?"...then why hold on so tightly to the traditional definition of marriage...why should gay people have to accept a different name for the same basic thing? This whole bullshit from Bush and other supporters of an amendment that gay marriage "threatens the sanctity of marriage" or that it could have far-reaching consequences...what sanctity? what consequences? Somewhere between 50-60% of marriages in this country end in divorce...I know plenty of people who've been married and divorced more than once and left children with broken homes...what fucking sanctity is there in that? The whole use of sanctity is bullshit anyway because it implies Godliness and marriage exists in cultures all over the world that don't follow any form of the Christianity that Bush follows and it predates many religions. Marriage is traditionally a way of a man to show ownership of a woman...there is no sanctity in marriage unless you yourself follow a certain religion and believe in that religion's view of marriage...but this country isn't supposed to make it's decisions based on religious beliefs (I'm not naive enough to believe that it doesn't happen, but at the very least you aren't supposed to be blatant about it). I don't want the Christian Right making decisions for the entire country or myself. And yes, many Americans are against gay marriage according to the polls, blah, blah, blah and I they aren't all Christian Right...but if the polls are even accurate, most people are against the idea but don't necessarily support an amendment. I just don't see where it harms society at all if two people love one another and want to have it recognized...and if you are committed to someone and the relationship and you like the idea of marriage then you should be able to go for it and you shouldn't be barred from benefits that married people receive if your commitment is just as strong as theirs, maybe stronger.
Ok, so I avoided my personal problems, but at least I did vent some things that have been bothering me...baby steps...