Sentimental Tacky Crap?
19 February, 2003 :: 12:31 p.m.
Did you ever have someone come into your life that you felt like you just didn't deserve? I would hope that everybody's got at least one of those people. I somehow keep having people like that come into my life.
Chuck has been there for me forever and I can't imagine him ever not being there. He's put up with some spectacularly dumbass moments of mine and still he's there for me.
Char for all the ugliness at the end was, for a time, my angel. She pushed me and got me into school...she didn't let me get stuck which I still think I very well might have had it not been for her. She also showed me what it truly feels like to be loved by someone...that's sort of a blessing and a curse, I guess. She may be someone else totally different now, but when she was my Char, she was too good for me.
Pat--has been a dumbass lately, but I told him one day he'd do the same stupid shit all guys do when it comes to women (okay, all straight guys...I'm pretty sure that gay guys do the same stupid shit, just for other guys). Aside from that, he's been truly a brother to me and, stupid moments aside, he's there for me when I need him...and I hope that he can say the same for me. No matter how dumb either of us get, we've always got each other's backs, am I right?
Erin--I just got your package. One cd turned into three, huh? Or twenty. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Candles, a book, cd's...(and a Spidey air freshener) Why is it that people who know me in person can't figure out that this is the sort of stuff that means something to me, that this is exactly the sort of gift that to me is perfect? I'm listening to Flogging Molly right now and loving it...the only song I'd ever heard by them is "The Worst Day Since Yesterday"...I'm glad that the rest of the songs are just as much fun. It'll take me a couple days to get through all this music and whether I like every single song or not, it still means more to me than I can express in words...but if you've gotten to the part of High Fidelity where Rob explains the art of a mix tape, then I think he sums it up pretty well. I mean he's speaking from the perspective of the one making the tape (or cd in this case), but still...it means Something. Yeah, I didn't start off with the mix stuff, but you better believe that Sad Bastard is going in next...and then Sadder Bastard and Saddest Bastard...I can't wait...some of the songs I recognize and some I've never heard, but it's not any one song, it's the entire album. Even if someone makes me a mix that is all songs I've got on other cd's, I don't have one that has that particular mix of music...and that's what means something. Okay, maybe Breakin' Up is Hard to Do will go in next, I'm not sure just yet...but I'm looking forward to all of it. You've already given me more than I can thank you for, just by popping up and leaving me messages like you did yesterday or sending me that funny-ass Valentine card...and our Conversations...
Yesterday in my Emerson class we were talking about Conversation (yes, capital "C"), about how it's a lost art, about how IMing has bastardized our culture's already degraded Conversation skills...and it's complete bullshit. Conversation hasn't gone away, not when the right two or three people are involved (yes, I do believe that Conversation gets dirtied when too many people are involved all at once...but then I've never been comfortable in big groups and I end up listening instead of participating, so maybe it's just my hang up). We've talked all night more than once...and yeah, there are dips and lulls because we are both half-awake--plus, let's face it, when you talk to anyone for six hours you're going to run into bits of time where your mind blanks on anything to say--but we still have great Conversation. At least I think so. So thank you...it's crazy that someone that I've never met can know me so well, give me so much that is just right, but I'm not going to question it. I hope that I can get you back one of these days...don't be expecting 20 cd's all at once, but I do have your address now and I've been thinking (which takes me a while)...Thank you again.
And Allie, I haven't forgotten you just because you are having computer problems and haven't been around lately. Another person that I haven't met in person who has gotten to know me well enough to send me things that are just right. I still listen to the cd's you sent my way, I have the autographed Posies tape right here next to the computer until I get a better place for it. We haven't had a chance for many Conversations yet, but I do look forward to more. I don't have your address and I'm slow when it comes to mixes, but I've been mentally working on preparing something for you. So get me your address sometime. I hope things are still going very well for you and I expect to be updated sometime soon.
So all in all, I'm not getting down over any stupid shit that goes on in my life for too long. I may never be rich, I may never get done all I want to do...but I'm still lucky. I've had more good people enter my life than I probably deserve. My thanks and love to you all...
Was that me getting all sappy and shit? Why yes it was...