14 March, 2002 :: 2:04 a.m.
Kudos to Fox for striving to bring us the highest forms of entertainment.
How log ago was the whole Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? debacle? Two or three years ago, wasn't it? I distinctly remember reading in a newspaper article that Fox was vowing to get away from low brow, reality-based shows. Ahem...
Since then they have brought us two seasons of Temptation Island, that boot camp show, Murder in Smalltown X or something like that...I believe a year or so ago they even had a Who Wants to Be a Princess? or something along those lines. And now, within the last month, they have brought us the Glutton Bowl and Celebrity Boxing. The Glutton Bowl where they have people see who can eat the most mayonaise and much worse. Celebrity Boxing with like z list celebrities: Tanya Harding, Todd Bridges, Danny Bonaducci, Paula Jones, Vanilla Ice and that guy that played Greg on the Brady Bunch. Woo...now that's entertainment.
I would like to state first that I have never watched any of the above mentioned shows aside from about 10 minutes of one of the first Temptation Island episodes. How does this stuff pass for entertainment? I thought the Tom Green Show and Jackass were bad, but damn... Oh, and let's not forget The Chamber, the gameshow where they stick you either in exreme cold or extreme heat while they ask you questions. Who is the programming director for Fox? Do they even have one or can anyone just walk in and put a show on the air?
And these "celebrities"...Todd Bridges is remembered way more for his troubles with the law than for playing Willis; Vanilla Ice who keeps trying to have a musical comeback; Tanya Harding? Greg Brady? Danny from the Partridge Family? And of course, my favorite, Paula Jones who subbed for Amy Fisher who apparently was the only one smart enough to realize that this wasn't a positive career move. Paula "I slept with Bill Clinton" Jones...big deal...who hasn't slept with Bill? Even I've slept with Bill, but it was a private thing and you don't see me trying to make money off of it. You won't see me on there boxing Fred Durst or some other washed up celebrity. Don't get me wrong, given the chance, I'd love to pummel the fuck out of Fred Durst for his contributions to shitty music, but not on television.
I have to confess I did break down and watch a little of this...it wasn't even boxing. Just because you put boxing gloves on, does not mean you are boxing. They were just weakly flailing at each other and they were all wearing protective head gear (I assume this was because they all have some notion they might actually get work in the public eye again and don't want to mess up there beautiful (HAH!) faces...it's definitely not to protect them from brain damage). Yes, I put parentheses within parentheses...cuz I'm that damn good.
My question is this: Is fame (or being in the public eye) so addictive that once you've tasted it, you will do anything to remain there, even briefly? Is degrading yourself in a cheesy boxing match on Fox better than fading into the limelight and being forgotten? Maybe it's just me because I don't feel comfortable in crowds of more than like five people and I don't like acting the ass in front of even one or two people, but I just can't imagine ever sinking so low as to agree to something like this. I have bills, I'm a poor college student, but I would walk away from just about any offer rather than suit up and step in the ring.
Don't get me wrong, recognition is great. I'd love to sign on everyday and have two dozen comments from people saying they love reading my diary, but I can survive without that and I'm not going to degrade myself to get more traffic to my diary. If you stumble across it, great; if you like it and keep coming back, even better...but you won't see me pimpin' myself for attention. Maybe they all have horrible heroin addictions that they are funding...
The Simpsons used to be fantastic tv, and still has fleeting moments of glory; The Family Guy is hillarious when you can actually find it being aired; The X-Files was once one of the best shows on television...but Fox is a network that is like a boxer (appropriate simile, I think) who's taken a few too many blows to the head but still thinks he has another fight left in him: they're stumbling around, unable to walk a straight line and whenever they open their mouth it's incoherent and idiotic. If I'm ever on that network, I hope it's on America's Most Wanted after killing all of Fox's upper management.